After a night of next to no sleep, I open my eyes and for a split second I don't remember and then it hits you like the biggest punch to the stomach "my baby girl died yesterday" I can remember the next morning sitting at the dinning table at Chris's parents house (we could face going back to our house and waking up in our room with winnie in her moses basket) I sat at the table and went through the memory the bereavement suite had given us, it was so beautiful with lovely things inside like a certificate of life, forget me not seeds and a little angel amongst other things. I had no idea what I do next, I had to wait for a visit from the doctor and then I went back to the hospital, it was so hard walking into a room knowing you were going to see your daughter but knowing she was gone, I hugged her, kissed her, cried and told her how much I loved her. It was so hard seeing how much my dad was hurting too, even just thinking back to seeing his face that day as he held her makes me tear up. People that haven't been through it won't understand what that day holds for you, all the questions and forms that need filling in, for the postmortem and if you are prepared to allow certain samples to be used for research (which I did in the hope it may stop at least one more family go through this). I can't remember how long I stayed at the hospital that day but I remember the heart wrenching feeling still when once again I had to leave my little baby behind and go home. The staff at thr bereavement are amazing and I can never thank them enough for all their help, they changed my beautiful girl into the outfit I picked for her and tried their best to make such a hard experience as easy as possible for thr family.
That's it for this installment but I'll post more soon, one finally thing to say on this one is, if you know anyone going through please please don't avoid mentioning or talking about their angel, show them u remember their baby and they are important.
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