People may sympathise with the loss but not be aware of what follows

You baby has gone and with her went all the hopes and dreams you had for her future, as the days went on after Winter passed I took many trips to the bereavement suite to spend time with my little caterpillar (that's what I liked to call her) it was hard, it was heartbreaking but all those visits to her where important, having thr time for me to hold my beautiful daughter, to still be able to talk her and kiss her was so special, I took an outfit up for her I wanted her to wear and her snuggle blanket for her to be wrapped in, on Wednesday 13th I contacted a charity called remember my baby, the service they provide is amazing, they send out a volunteer photographer who takes memorial photos for parents to be able to keep, I'll not be sharing these as Chris does not want to them which I can understand. I meet with the doctor who preformed the postmortem and my dad held my hand as we discussed what they found, they said they were waiting on some test results as they suspected and infection in her heart, we also had to wait whilst an investigation was looking into everything leading up to that morning and every involved that morning. I don't know how I would have got through that first week with my dad, my friend gemma, Chris's sister and my husband chris. Eventually I knew I had to inform people what had happened further than family so I sat and wrote thr hardest Facebook status I had ever wrote, I cried as I wrote it. I also decided as I had joined a group for people due in April I should tell the girls in there and leave the group, the support I got from these amazing people made me change my mind and I am still in the group to this day and I love seeing there little ones grow up. I shut myself away from some people I didn't want to answer the phone or txts, I couldnt focus on anything but me and Chris and getting through as best we could. One day after spending time with my angel I decided to go to see the flourist who did the flowers for our wedding, I asked them to do winnie's flowers it seemed like the right thing to do, I arranged for Chris's sisters mother in law to take my wedding dress and cut it up to make a beautiful wrap to wrap my angel in forever more. There wonderful ladies at the bereavement suite told me winnie could stay there with them until the day of the funeral, I was pleased as I trusted them and felt the support fron them was so helpful. These ladies are true unsung hero's within the NHS, the made prints and casts of winnie's hands and feet for me to keep.

The next few weeks was so hard, lots of cuddle with my angel and lots to sort. In my next post I'll start to discuss the heartache of arranging flowers and a funeral for a child you carried and lived with ur whole heart.