Funerals, fear and sadness

I've not wrote much on here lately as I've taken a downward turn but here we go...

The day before the funeral was hard I had to get an emergency doctors appointment as I could feel myself shaking, I felt dizzy and sick I felt like I couldn't breath or even think, the doctors gave me some diazepam to help calm me down. On thr day of the funeral we went up to the chapel or rest, I spent my last little bit of time adjusting Winters hat and making sure she was wrapped properly, she looked so peaceful, I made sure she had everything with her I felt she needed, I kissed her loads, others came in to say their final goodbyes and eventually it was time to leave. I never imagined how hard it  would be to sit in a car following the my daughter tiny coffin, it didn't feel real I just wanted this all to end and be wrong at the church I can remember not wanting to look at people and just crying and crying, I couldnt read the poem I had for winter as I couldn't get the words to leave my body, my best friend gemma stood up and did this for me instead. My husband chris did our caterpillar proud standing and talking from the heart, I can't say much about the funeral as I still can't bring myself to think about it, what I will say Is I am so greatful for the support we had from friends and family and for the donations given for the bereavement suite.
The day after the funeral I went with my friend gemma to get some little bits for winnie's forever bed including a lantern and candle to leave burning up there, we went up to the cemetery and it was so sunny and warm, we took a bottle of pink bubbly and some glasses, we stayed for at least 2 hrs (I was sunburnt when I got home). I didn't really want to leave but I knee I couldn't stay there.

Im not going to write anymore today I'm not in a good place to be thinking back but wanted to post a little something today in remembrance for winter.

15th October pregnancy and infant loss awareness day. Light a candle and just for a minute of your time think good thoughts for all the little angels watching over their families from a far please x