I've not posted since before xmas, anyone that follows my blog knows I was not looking forward to Christmas and waking up for the 2nd year running with my baby girl. Well Christmas came and went the same as it did last year, I survived again and to be fair I had a great day, I was so anxious about how the day would be, how I would feel but Christmas Eve was actually the harder day of the 2 as I was worrying about how I was going to be. I'd like to think that come Christmas 2017 I will be more relaxed on the run up to it but probably not hey.
Christmas morning I went with my partner to the church where I had winters funeral and lit some candles for her, as I did this I though of a few other angels I know of too, the vicar said they could put winters candles onto the alter and they could stay there for the day, she kindly offered to say a prayer with us, as I am not religious myself I decided against this but felt the offer was very touching. After the church we went up to see Winnie at her forever bed for a bit too.
Spending Christmas morning this way leads you sometimes to have a few quiet moments thinking this isn't right, I should be at home right now building her toys she got from santa, trying to control the mayhem and start Christmas dinner, standing in the doorway watching her play with the biggest smile on my face, unfortunately at the same time knowing this is how your Christmas mornings will be from now on as I feel someone needs to be with her Christmas morning, I can't stand the idea of no one visiting her that day.
I hope everyone else found enough peace to get through this Christmas too.
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