Am I forgetting?

As time has passed on I spend less time crying and mourning for winter but tonight as I was talking to someone about winter I sent them a picture of her and suddenly felt this pain in my heart as I looked at her face and though I almost can't remember what holding her felt like, kissing her head, changing her nappy or feeding her. I dont want to forget these things but am I forgetting them or is ny mind making them less prominent now in order for my heart to move forward. Maybe it's just time, as the between now and the memory grows the memory itself fades but does that have to be a bad thing? I'll never forget winter herself it's juts the feelings, smells etc that may get harder to recall but this is surely normal, I can't be the only one.

What we all have to remember is that even if we forget little things from time to time as long as we make sure now forgets our angels existed we are doing them proud.

Whatever you feel is right, is right!

During this journey the only person that knows what is right for you is you! Don't let anyone tell you the best thing to do, say or feel, don't bottle things up or avoid saying something through fear of it being awkward. Let out whatever you feel, say what you want even if you have said it 10 times a day for the last 2 months, look after you not everyone around you, your thoughts and feeling are important to your emotional well bring as well as your healing process (I say your healing process as everyone is different especially in terms of grieve)
Always remeber nothing you think or feel is in anyway wrong, you mind is processing thoughts that it should never in a million year have to think about, give yourself time, give yourself a break but most importantly give yourself the credit you deserve!! You are fighting the hardest battle you ever will and you are winning!

Sometimes I get angry, that's ok right?

Something I get angry, I get pissed off at the hand life has dealt me, I can't change it, that much I know so why get angry about it?

I get angry watching others go about their normal lives happily having their babies in their arms, watching them grow, I get angry that my ex is now having triplets just over a year after our beautiful angel passed.

I can't help this and then I get angry at myself for being angry about these things, everyone deserves their happiness and I fully believe this but my anger is more at the fact that I don't still have mine.

After life starts returning to normal

After all the heartache, the deep sadness and initial grieving your life slowly returns to some form of normality, by this I simply mean you look at returning to work, ways to carry on living, in my case unfortunately I had to find a whole new life after splitting with my husband and moving out of the family home.

I won't lie and say it was easy or I took it on the shoulders, I just did what I could not to give up and break down. For the first time in my life I moved into a shared house (not what I pictured I'd be doing at 33yrs old). You have to start focusing on what you want from life, do you want some time alone? Do you want to look for someone to share life with? Make new memories with? With these questions comes a whole load more how do you meet someone new? I had been with my husband 8yrs everything had changed in terms of dating, it's a whole barrel of confusion and game playing from what I can work out, then more questions, if you do meet someone when do you tell them about the hell you have been through? Yes it's an awkward conversation but it's part of what make you who you are today.

At the end of the day only one person can answer these questions and that is you yourself, do what's right for you when it's right for you. Make yourself happy! Not an easy feat if like me you always put others happiness before your own.

Make some changes, personally I decided to change my eating, took up running and hoola hooping and I have felt so much better for it, it gives me time for me, just to empty my mind and think of nothing, it also give me a sense of accomplishment and the knowledge that after everything I've been through I could have easily given up (hell I very nearly did) but I'm still here, I'm fighting for myself, for winters memory and my other children and I always will.