First instalment for a while, hoping all my readers are doing the best they can.
This year marked 4 years since I had my beautiful girl winter and 4 years since I said goodbye as well. Losing a child is much more than just losing your child, it’s losing your life as you know it, it’s being broken down and having to build yourself back up bit by bit, it takes strength, hard work, determination and kindness to yourself. My life is completely different now to how it was before, everything has changed, honestly nothing is the same as it was but I have realised that doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
I’m about the embark on a new chapter in my life, I was recently made redundant and applied for a job with NHS 111, to make the application itself too a lot of consideration on my part, I questioned myself, how will I cope with calls in regards to children? How will it make me feel if someone calls in the same situation I found myself in with Winter? Or after losing a child calls feeling so desperate they feel they have nothing to live for? After some deep thought I decided to stop thinking about how me taking this role would effect me and think about the effect my taking this role may have on others, I could be the calm voice that helps some through the black hole they feel they are in and helps them to get the help they need, I could calming speak to someone who feels helpless as something is wrong with there child, I could reassure them as they wait for some help. This spurred me to go for it, I am now going to have the opportunity to give a little something back to the NHS.
To be honest when I lost winter I can remember that day like it was yesterday, I can remember standing in the emergency room, winter laying on a bed with a large trough of doctors and nurses around her, a lady standing in front of me saying they couldn’t do anymore, she had a heart beat but the blood wasn’t flowing around her body so there was no pulse they could feel, I can remember shouting no repeatedly at the poor lady trying to speak with me, winters dad arriving, falling to the floor in front of me and saying I don’t want to live without her, I can remember how hopeless I felt in that moment, I didn’t see how I was going to move forward from that second but when I look back at that now I see how far I have come, I have overcome to biggest challenge life has to throw at me. I have clawed and fought my way to where I am now, fought through the following diagnosis of fibromyalgia and today I sit and write this following years of support from family, friends, Dr’s and my amazing boyfriend, I have overcome not only this challenge but an awful time with my health. My endometriosis got so bad it became severely debilitating and made my fibromyalgia 100 times worse, I have undergone a hysterectomy and managed to get off of all my medication.
Unfortunately I won’t be sharing this instalment on Facebook due to deactivating my profile but please if you feel it may help someone feel free to share it to yours.
My life is back on track more than ever as I write this and I am so incredibly proud of what I have overcome, I’m hoping my experiences will enable me to help other who feel alone, are suffering or feel life is never going to get better.
As always I welcome anyone to contact me if they feel it would benefit them.
Leashutch@icloud.com
@fightingforwinter (instagram)
Keep going, keep fighting, you never know how strong you until being strong is all you can do to keep going xxx
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